2014 Deb's WEST COAST Drive 2 - Where's Uncle Kit?

Woke up at 6:15am, still merging into the 3-hour time zone difference. Joan had coffee and berry and lemon scones ready for a morning snack. Then we spent the next few hours catching up on family gossip.

She gave me the lowdown on all the family relations and generations of her and Uncle Kit's kin in Oregon. Kit is actually my mother's half brother (both having the same dad, but different moms) and my half uncle (although I never thought of it that way until I wrote this). I met K&J's children at my grandfather's funeral decades ago, but I really did not know or remember them. Now there are the kids, grandkids, and even four great grandkids in the family.

We discussed genealogy lines (for my ancestry.com research). I learned about personalities, interests, connections and family stories. I really got a feel for the folks I would meet later this day and others I would not get the chance to meet. Joan brought all these relatives to life for me. Before today I only knew them through things mentioned in passing in emails or Skype with K&J.

Then I asked of Kit's whereabouts. The last time Mike and I saw him was in Yuma AZ in the fall of 2012. We had taken a long driving trip out west and had some fun-filled days with K&J. It was the only spot we spent more than one night and was the highlight of that trip. It would be the last time to see Uncle. A week or so after we left he went into the hospital and was never able to return home.

I knew he was cremated but not what happened after that. Joan kind of smiled and said he was in the bedroom closet. "Did I want to see him?" I said, "OK," wondering what I was in for next. She brought out a brown cardboard box about 4"x8"x8" with a photo of Uncle on each side--one of him crabbing and one of him in Disneyland on a family trip. These were two of his favorite things to do.

This gave me the weirdest (good weird) sensation. It felt like Uncle Kit had somehow actually entered the room. It felt strange, but it did not take long to feel right at home with "him" being there. I gave up a few tears at first, but then I felt happy. If Auntie had brought in a plain cardboard box simply labeled with his name, I don't think I would have felt as near at ease or ultimately as at peace in this situation.

Joan said she takes Uncle to family gatherings. The grandkids and greats call him Papa and enjoy having his "presence." They tell him things they wish they could say in person and it all feels quite natural.

The next two paragraphs will probably alienate a bunch of people, but it's how I feel. I really am not sold on the heaven or hell theory, or whatever is in between. Personally I like Ra, the sun god, if there has to be a god. The sun is tangible and has proof of its existence. I mean honestly the sun is a true giver of life. Without it there would be no food, no plants for clothing and shelter, no warmth, no animals or living beings. Dust to dust is more like reality for me. And Uncle just got to his pile of dust a little quicker than he should have.

We don't really know what the reality is after we die. I'm not one to tick all the boxes, do all the required minutia or take all the steps needed to possibly get to one or another religious afterlife. I'd rather live the most best and caring life I can and take the consequences at the end. Whichever god is the real one, if there is a real one, will grant a positive eternity to me or I'll just be a pile of dust. Either way works.

To clarify, this is not to reject any religious ideas or feelings or freedoms. People are passionate about their chosen faith and that is admirable. It's just that each religion is different and I just don't know which way to turn. So I am turning to the basics--nature and goodness.

Oh, well, moving on. I asked Joan to take a photo with my arm around my Uncle. It seemed so right and gave me a happy closure to our relationship. This is the way to fondly remember someone.

For the rest of the visit, Uncle sat on a nearby table enjoying our company. A few times we even spoke to him as if he was really there. I think he was.